ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
