Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
