What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
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thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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