how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
