Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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