I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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