Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.

(203): View more from Connecticut

needless to say I left

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(757): View more from Virginia

he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.

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(503): View more from Oregon

The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.

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(951): View more from California

now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.

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(419): View more from Ohio

Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...

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(224): View more from Illinois

I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?

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(201): View more from New Jersey

That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag

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