Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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