Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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