just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
