Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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