just tell him i said nine months
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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