how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
