would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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