You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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