I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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