I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
