The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Randomize
