No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
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he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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