she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
