He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
