I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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