The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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