Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
