there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
