There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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