there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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