Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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