Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Found the puke drawer
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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