i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
apparently the secret to your success is patron
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
