It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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