I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my shit smells like andre
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Never joke about your clitoris.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
