My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
