1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
