It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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