We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
love makes seman taste better
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
