I'm drive I can fine osifer
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
