My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
