Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She's the barista slut.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
