Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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