i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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