I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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