Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
