are you so shy because you have an std?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
