Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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