what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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