You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
