that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
