Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
My cat gives me a boner
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
