When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
This toilet bowl is my home.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
