I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
two words...techno handjob
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
