so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
