I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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