I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
