It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
