Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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