i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
