I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
