Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
