Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?

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(712): View more from Iowa

Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.

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(541): View more from Oregon

You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth

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(818): View more from California

You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.

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(740): View more from Ohio

I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you

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(251): View more from Alabama

For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.

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(607): View more from New York

I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.

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(917): View more from New York City

Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.

(310): View more from California

Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam

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(678): View more from Georgia

I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.

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