Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
