im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
