Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
