Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
